Many readers do not know that, as a precursor to the State of the Nation address by President Jacob Zuma, there was an address by an underling Minister. It is the State of Our Electricity Supply address.

As far as I know, the text was not published. As a unique Engineering News service, here it is:

“Fellow South Africans. Thank you for this opportunity to supply this address, broadcast live to all citizens. Well, if you are having Stage 2 or Stage 3 load-shedding, you may have to wait an hour or two and play it back on the DStv decoder, wouldn’t you, but what the heck?

“What is your government doing to fix the current energy crisis? Well, the first thing we have done, proactively, is to take away that word, ‘crisis’. It is not a crisis. Oh, no, no, no! It is a challenge. An electricity challenge. We’re going to improve Eskom maintenance of power stations, enhance electrical generation capacity and manage electricity demand. And, good news! We are already fully into managing electricity demand as you domestic consumers, who are deprived of electricity seven days a week, will know.

“I may say, you may wonder if shedding the load of Woodstock will stop Eskom from tripping the 765 kV Hydra–Perseus interconnector on overload. Good question. Well, we have appointed a War Room to work with Eskom. All true cadre appointees. They allow Eskom to know what average consumers think when ritualistically burning power accounts.

“As to improving the maintenance of power stations, we are well up there. After we retrenched all the experienced staff for reasons of colour and age, maintenance took a nosedive. So, the only way, starting from near zero, is up. Eskom has blown up a turbine and destroyed a boiler or two and had a few coal silos collapse, main coal conveyors shut down, and so on. Very minor issues.

“As to enhancing generation capacity, I know our President will tell you that the construction of the three new power stations, Kusile, Medupi and Ingula, will add 10 000 MW of capacity to the national grid. Well, we all know that Ingula, being a pumped-storage scheme, won’t, but the others will. Eventually. I also know that the President will say that, to date, government has procured 4 000 MW from independent power producers using renewable sources and that a total of 3 900 MW of renewable energy has also been sourced. That gives 7 900 MW, a little over 4 000 MW more energy than anybody else knows about or has heard of or is aware of but, boy, what a surprise! Naturally, resources like wind and sun are not always available so in midwinter, on a still night, that 3 900 MW whatever will have to come from somewhere else. We’re working on it.

“The President will also say that the procurement process for 2 400 MW of new gas-fired generation will start in the first quarter of the new financial year and that a total of 2 600 MW of hydroelectric capacity will be sourced from the Southern African Development Community region. Naturally, to have 2 400 MW of gas-fired generation, we’d need gas, wouldn’t we? So, we’ll start looking for that in the first quarter of the new financial year as well.

“The 2 600 MW of hydroelectric capacity will have to come from Inga, in the Democratic Republic of Congo. No worries there – it’s only 2 600 km away. We’ll have to build a dc power line which will be the longest in the world at the highest dc voltage ever built. Through Africa. Oh, stap me, I forgot, they’ll have to build a dam at Inga as well. Shouldn’t take too long – perhaps 12 years at the most.

“Ohhhh! I forgot nuclear power! I know our President will say five countries came to present their proposals on nuclear. These included the US, South Korea, Russia, France and China. All these countries will be engaged in a fair, transparent and competitive procurement process to select a strategic partner or partners to undertake the nuclear build programme. Just like what happened with Medupi and boiler supplier Hitachi. That’s it then. Good night to those of you not already in the dark . . .”