Stonehenge is a prehistoric monument in Wiltshire, England. One of the most famous sites in the world, it is the remains of a ring of standing stones set within earthworks.

Go on, look it up on the Internet. People have devoted their entire lives to the study of Stonehenge. It is certainly no less than 4 500 years old and is relatively intact. At summer solstice, an observer standing within the stone circle, looking north-east through the entrance, sees the sun rise above the heel stone.

Not all the stones in Stonehenge come from the same place – some come from a place called Craig Rhos-y-Felin, near Pont Saeson, in north Pembrokeshire, 220 km from Stonehenge. These stones are called ‘blue stones’. There has been long speculation as to how the stones were transported 220 km to Stonehenge from Craig Rhos-y-Felin. These days, you would just load a stone onto a truck and go east on the A487, turn south on the A 40, then to the A477, onto the M4, onto the A346 and follow the signs or just ask. The 60 ‘blue stones’ weigh up to 4 t. Given the distance the stones had to travel, modern theories speculate that they were dragged by roller and sledge from the inland mountains to the headwaters of Milford Haven, but the most popular belief is that they were taken along the coast of Wales by sea and then overland to Stonehenge.

Recently, a team made a replica of a wreck they had found off Dover. They believe that this type of boat apparently brought the ‘blue stones’ up the Bristol channel to Stonehenge. The vessel is a ten-metre-long woven-basket-type boat and is flat bottomed. They decided to see if 12 rowers (members of the US Dragon Boat rowing team, who had to row in the standing position) could row the boat around the coast and up the Bristol channel to Stonehenge. The boat carried a 3 t ‘blue stone’. They made a documentary.

The documentary was very disturbing and, I think, foolish. Firstly, the boat used in the experiment dates back to 1500 BC, putting it at 2 500 years ago. Stonehenge is 2 000 years older than that. Is this the right boat? Secondly, it is all very well to so nobly get 12 standing-up rowers to paddle for four hours a day for nine days. But what point does making them stand up serve? Do they really think the ancients would have not preferred to sit when rowing?

And there is another replica boat, made by Brain Cumby – it is wooden and people sit. The original is 4 000 years old. So, why the woven-basket boat? Well, it may be that the Cumby boat came from Dover, 280 km to the west but, heck . . . they had time to get it to the ‘blue stone’ site.

Then . . . oh, grief. If you watch the documentary, you see the 12 rowers, all looking a bit cold and desperate, row down the coast. Along the coast, the sea sweeps to the shore and waves rise to fully 200 mm and crash down on the shore. It is about as rough as the Vaal river on a summer afternoon, when the water skiers go past. Thus, one would hope, the US Dragon team were at least not too challenged by water chop. You think? You think wrong. The expedition had a man from the Health and Safety Department. As the boat crawls along the millpondlike Bristol channel, his voice is heard: ”Ah fink the sea is gettin’ up a bit. Holding for now but we’ll Av to see.” The inevitable happens. The sea gets slightly rougher – like the Vaal river on a winter afternoon, when the water skiers go past. The ‘elf and Safety guy pronounces: “Na, it’s gettin’ too ruff.” And so the boat is towed to the final destination.

So, if you want to know why the ‘blue stones’ could not have come by boat 4 500 years ago, it is because there were no power boats to tow them the last few kilometres to their destination, as required by the blasted Bonze Age safety officer.