When I was younger and more good looking, there was no TV. There was TV worldwide.

Even Swaziland and Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) had TV. But not South Africa. It was felt by the Nationalist government that TV would give South Africans the dangerous idea that they were not the only country in the world. Even worse, a casual panning shot of Table Mountain might show Robben Island by mistake. Far too dangerous.

But, on January 5, 1976, the South African Broadcasting Corporation crossed the line into virgin territory. TV arrived. This is why I now often watch TV shows which feature cooking contests: Come Dine With Me, Diners Drive Ins and Dives, Master Chef and Chopped. They all have the same sort of theme – somebody cooks something and then some experts (or fellow cooks) criticise it.

Sometimes people are all made to cook from the same ingredients, sometimes they can choose their own. Invariably, there is a time limit and the cooks rush to the finish, normally completing their plates in the last few seconds.

So I thought, well, what about a show featuring engineering and architecture? A professional who uses some known quantities to produce a project which is criticised by experts. Get it? Okay. Here is the announcer: “Contestants, your mystery ingredients are a client who is a software millionaire and has sniffed the cost of a Clifton bungalow up his nose, an architect who is a devotee of John Lautner, a quantity surveyor who is a lineal descendant of Ebenezer Scrooge, a professional team consisting of the usual suspects: a project manager who was a Cape Nature Tour guide and a budget of R80-million. You have 18 months . . . go!”.

(Eighteen months later)

Announcer: “Okay, Team A, what have you completed?”

Team A: “Nothing. The architect decided to build a structure which was 18 floors of off-shutter concrete. The QS would not release any funds to pay the builder and so all we have is a drawing.” Announcer: “Okay. Team B?”

Team B: “The same.”

Announcer: “Team C?”

Team C: “Nothing yet but we have had 36 planning meetings.”
You get the idea?

What about Eskom? Here is the announcer: “Contestants, your mystery ingredients are a turbine supplier who has never written a boiler control software program, a boiler manufacturer who last supplied a power station boiler in 1992, the ruling party, lots of hangers-on with their hands held out and . . . Eskom. You have four years. Go!”
(Four years later)

Announcer: “Team A, what do you have?”

Team A: “Well, naturally, there is no Team B or C in the running anymore. After four years, all we have is . . . well, nothing much that looks like a power station.”

Announcer: “So you were planning to make a power station?”

Team A: “Well, with a turbine supplier we were pointed in that direction but, uh, we’re still working on getting the boilers made, bit of a learning curve, the client is sooo fussy about welding. The software too – apparently it’s got to work and everything, bit of a bore and it’s failed tests three times and we have found that all the ruling party can do on the project is send in fee claims and a Minister of Public Affairs who has promised that ‘heads will roll’ if the power station doesn’t run by July 2013 (which it didn’t and they didn’t).”

Announcer: “So what’s this power station called?”

Team A: “The power station is to be called Medupi which is a Sepedi word which means ‘rain that soaks parched lands’. Right now, it’s known as Molahlegi, Molahlwa, which means ‘lost and abandoned’.”

Oh, I do not know. Why is it all so difficult? Cooking a steak or a complex dish is only possible if you do have somebody who has some idea of how to cook and something that can be used to heat up stuff and utensils which are used for cooking. But! When we get to the built environ- ment, the scenarios we paint above are all too true. We appoint the incompetent to run the projects. They hobble the professional team, and the political influence causes delays and increasing costs. Good television. Bad results.